Hi Peeps,

I really wish I could have some funny story or interesting event but it's not what is going on now and I don't think anyone is really reading this so I thought it might be a good time to express what I am celebrating soon. On January 16, it will be my 6 yr. anniversary for staying clean off of any hard drugs. I don't think people really knew how hard this was for me or how bad it got- I still can't have meth around me because I know I would do it. I think there were 3 people who ever really thought it was a big deal that I cleaned up. As I look back, at the fast times, the good times & the high times, I can't help but sometimes wonder if I was happier that way. I know that's not true, but sometimes, the urge to self-medicate feels like a promising solution. Right now, I have a friend who is dying off his addiction to heroin and I don't talk or see him. I wonder if he remembers us and if he wants to live. I wonder if he remembers who he was because I know he isn't the same person anymore. I am grateful and proud of myself for staying clean but the weirdest feeling is realizing that I am a totally different person now. I'm still trying to figure things out- who my real friends are, who I should give my heart to, why things happen that are hurtful etc. 

I don't want to write anymore, that's all. xoxo dee