This blog is a boring mess. A mess of my struggles in love & the desire to feel it forever. I write as I listen to Lana Del Rey- her music moves me. Her voice , her face , everything beautiful but you know she is broken and shy through watching her perform live & do interviews. Music is the only thing I can say knows how I always feel. No one will understand you completely, but music does. I have noticed that when I meet someone who  loves music like I do,  that this mutual passion for music makes me feel understood & happy. Not just the beats, not just the way the tunes makes your body move, but how the words connect to your soul. Lately, I am trying to stay really positive. Keep busy so I don't think about a few things. I did notice though that my ex did not contact me today. The first day since our break up which was almost two months ago. I won't contact him because maybe we do need a day apart, the day to weeks, weeks to months and then he is a friend who I was once in love with. My anniversary for staying clean off any hard drugs is tomm. I will celebrate this in silence & remember that I survived a demon.. i know noone remembers this date but me. I know I love crystal meth, I know if I saw it, I would do it and thats how I know I am an addict. But I know that part of my life is over..but it doesn't mean that I don't miss the rush, the way it made me feel, look and it was my secret. I don't mean to glorify drugs but they do what they are meant to do- make your world a little glazy & protected. Sometimes I don't believe I was that girl but then again sometimes I don't believe I am the woman I am today. I try to be better but my smile was just a frown. Stay positive because life is good, Diane. One day I will receive the love I give.