i had a good day today. i thought about what to write about & the one word that comes to mind is : innocence. the above photo is from a movie i love called "CANDY" a disturbing love story about the love of two people & their destruction for their love of heroin. i hung out with my stepmoms niece today, 7 yrs old, chuck e cheese style & i realize everytime i hang out with kids or why I love them more than adults is because of their innocence. Their problems are if they have enough tickets to get a toy or if you will let them eat some candy. Tarin is actually drying my hair right now because I told her no more Spongebob squarepants. haha  I remember when my innocence turned to curiosity which turned to fun and then destruction. I had a friend who was there with me most of the way and I will call him B. I havent seen him for a few years . The last I saw him was when he was homeless and he stayed with me for a few days, he smelled so bad, he was addicted to heroin & all I could do was let him stay with me a few days while using in my house because I know what would happen if he didn't. At the time,  he was in complete denial and had a plan to stop himself, he was losing it and I didn't know how bad he was until he was on google earth convinced that the cars in the screen were following him. It was then I knew I couldn't do anything to help him. I couldn't get him help because he was a grown adult and I told him I couldn't see or talk to him because it was too painful to see and brought me back to when I battled my own demons. It was hard but I knew the next time I would  hear about B would be that he died or that he got arrested. The last I heard was that he was doing horribly, living with some girl who used up all her veins so she was shooting up in her pussy. He would contact me here and there and whenever I wrote back, all I asked was if he stopped using. A couple months ago though, I felt the urge to contact him, just to tell him I never forgot about him and I didn't hear back until..yesterday, B contacted me. He told me he was in rehab, been to jail for three months but I secretly wish they kept him longer. The success rate for staying off heroin is like less than 10%, I guess I don't want him released into the world just yet. I'm seeing him on Sunday and I'm trying to not get my hopes up. I told him we all love him and miss him but he seems to dodge those details as well as getting better. I wonder when I talk to him if he will be sane, if he will see what this drug has done to him and realize that he can live a better life. I can't say B did all this to be the cool kid, I think B did it because his personality is an addictive one and although he drove nice cars & was given a comfortable financial life, something was missing. He gets out mid feb & I wish so badly he could get his innocence back. I know within the first few minutes I see him that I will know if he is serious about stopping or not. B was a man of extremes, all the way or nothing at all. I just never want to get that message that he died.