lost in love and confusion. is it a delusion or should i be in seclusion? wow i just rapped.

love these-vintage roses made out of books on etsy.com

another not how i feel but like.

dont feel this way but like learning new words that have a lot of meaning.

i need to lose 15-20 pds. FML my ASSSSSSSSSSS
looks like this:


CRY. run bitch run lol

What is beauty?  i think this is it.

Want- Bukowski poem bracelet.

Rihanna- ohhh lady. i do like her, i think she is sexy, has style and good music. i dont love all her songs but i do like this one. what are your thoughts on her getting back with chris brown? what are mine? to be honest, its her life and thats the love of her life and he made a mistake? but.. as i told someone the other day, he has a public fight or anger problems every other week. good luck lady- you are public and exposed truth that love can really make you do crazy things, love can make you think there is noone else in the world but you two.  Btw- this song is Rihanna- STAY ft.Mikky Ekko. good stuff.

i cant decide if this would be awesome to store yourself or people who are sick . if you should stay in it when it rains or if its a bad idea overall .

Hi to JK- loyal blog reader-I saw your fbook pics of tons of adorable bunnies at a park. bunnies in cages,your hands so i asked, what was this event? Your answer: It was a friends birthday, she loved bunnies as a kid and her bf threw a picnic birthday party with bunnies... and THE HOPELESS ROMANTIC IN ME STILL LIVES ON.

i sometimes forgive too easily to people who hurt me but at the end of the day i ask myself this question after being upset : if i were to die tomm, would i have wished to heal that wound? if they were to die tomm , would i have wished to heal that wound? my answer will be yes, and that is why when friends or ex's go separate ways, i believe no matter what, you can always have a cordial relationship. unless they are horribly bad for you in which case, you love them from afar.. yea?  i think so.

APRIL IS OFFICIALLY AMAZING CONCERTS MONTH- here is a few starting from now though that I think would be a good show.

Here is  lineup of concerts I am going to or want to go to- ENJOY :) 

Yellow = Bought tickets & going. Blue = Dying to go, need tickets

Toro Y Moi - 3.1 & 3.2 @ the Independent

Passion Pit- 3.7 @ Bill Graham Auditorium 

Lindsey Sterling- 4.3 @ The Regency Ballroom

Airborne Toxic Event- 4.3 @ Fox Theatre

Portugal the Man - 4.12 @ the Independent

Band of Horses- 4.13 @ Fox Theatre

Metric-4.18 @ Fox Theatre

Crystal Castles-4.27 @ Fox Theatre

Marina & The Diamonds- 5.6 @ the Warfield

Tame Impala- 5.29 @ Fox Theatre

The XX- 6.1 @ Greek Theatre

She & Him - 6.22 @ Greek Theatre

MK- I need your help with 1015 :) 

happy. :) soon to be photographing.

THINKING BOUT SHUTTING THIS DOWN

i think im going to stop my blog. ive definately have had followers or people who have reached out but i feel like this is my negative space. i wish i could write or post happy thoughts . its kind of reminding what an incomplete person i am. how ive lost a lot of my friends over the years and the struggle to be happy is in my hands but slips through them everyday. i need to focus.

Incan Abraham ..... good find! good live :)

maybe this is what my best friend thought and thats why she didnt want to be friends anymore. i hope you are doing well.

WOW what a downer blog. OK so tonight i'll be working on my indie film reviews . I bought the new Ellie Goulding CD and its not very good at all. I went to a concert over the weekend and got to meet the band and have a vinyl signed just like a little groupie! It was awesome :)

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/6-amazing-songs-that-illustrate-what-it-means-to-be-human/

love this

first, love banksy. second, i know this blog is just an emo mess of my relationship issues and third, i know you read this but this is my therapy. you know a cheese grater? the way it grates cheese everytime you move it up and down and you end up with cheese shreddings? my heart is that cheese. i honestly felt like i have been moving on quite well but just two sentences yesterday from my ex made me fall apart. i don't know why he said it and i dont even know what he wants but i dont think he does either. my sister always tells me that every guy will break my heart except the one I marry. Very true but what if I won't be left with much? Im realizing i haven't even began to process my break-up. Its almost been a year since I made those cookies for valentines day that took 4 hrs.. haha. things were wonderful then and things are different now.

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/inconvenient-truths-about-love/



ughhhhhhhhhhh hate dealing with BS

i am so broke. i never felt so broke in my life. its giving me anxiety. fuckkkkkkkkkkkkk.
i have these medical bills that i would like to ignore. i am looking for another job for the weekends. i saw one today where you work with the easter bunny. it sounds kinda cool. should i do it?

Helloo, ok im going to finally write a little bit more than I have been. i know i've been really bad and really boring. i seem to be in a confused state of mind these days. i keep wanting to live in the past when really i need to be in the present. im doing that thing where i push and avoid the good because im comfortable with the exact opposite. i feel like i need to really realize whats in front of me than behind. sometimes i wake up and i feel like im ready for love or im ready to move on and other times i feel like im lost in a mess of my broken heart from someone i truly loved.

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/you-already-know-him/

do i?

THATS ME AT COSTco.. NO.. ITS NOT really but i want that bear.

LOVEEEEEEE

Why is this in right now? I bet 5 million that guys hate these nails. They scare me.

would like to learn photography!!!!!!!!

is it horrible that i want this shirt and im 26?

YUM. im so fat.

• 

  WANT!

TRUTH.

Jemima Kirke-great actress.

 I think I'm in love.

Shay Mitchell. 

i can think of about one person right now. good thing i dont think you read this.

Super Bowl .. Niners better win or else I will have unhappy friends & family! :( I won't be watching much, I am visiting B again at rehab since he will be released soon. I wish they could keep him there for longer. I'm bringing my other gf with me to see him. I hope he begins to remember how much we all love him.

Feist- Limit to your Love

I had a bucket list a few years ago, some of these were on there and some weren't. I decided I should document all the things I want to do in my life. Hope to do, will do, will always think of doing.

1. Ride a horse on the beach or just a horse anywhere.
2. Skydive
3. Bungee off a really high bridge
4. Quit my job & travel the world
5. Learn to play the drums or violin
6. Create art on a huge canvas.. im talking huge.
7. Follow  a band on a world tour
8. Buy a beautifully restored VW van
9. Publish an autobiography o
10. Be comfortable in my skin
11. Find the love of my life
12. Hot air balloon ride
13. Finish college so I can be a special needs teacher
14. Have an amazing weekend job such as: undercover investigator ..lol.
15. Learn Photography
16. Watch the list of 1,001 movies to watch before you die
17. Trust humankind
18. Know what it feels like to get shot- yes, i know what you're thinking.
19. Buy a ridiculously expensive piece of art
20. Support my mom and dad for the rest of their lives
21. Be alive to see the cure to cancer
22. Open up an orphanage in a third world country
23. Go to Burning Man
24.... need a break xoxo dee To be continued..

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/23-signs-theyre-the-one/

interesting read. true , although i believe that in order to get married to someone, you need to fall in love with them over and over again. explore new things sexually all the time. keep things interesting. not dramatic but interesting. 

sometimes you don't feel like you deserve something or  someone because you think you don't deserve it. what if it makes you happy but you're scared it will go away? i feel that way these days. im sad tonight because i dont feel so good, physically and im trying to rest so i can go out tomm for a friends bday. im sad because i keep getting these medicial bills that are high..so high  i just want to pretend they aren't there. but im happy because im watching a lot of good films tonight. catching up on things. one of the films i watched was "End of Watch," it was a very real and gritty account of life as an LAPD and as intense of a film it was, of course the line i remember is when the two partners talk about when you know you should marry someone. "when you can't live without them" is the answer, simple, but  at that moment i wished i could feel that way one day. I'm watching  "The Sessions" now, it is a critically acclaimed indie film about the true story of a severely disabled man. Smart and he went to Berkeley, 38, a virgin and explores life through a sex surrogate. I just started it but its beautiful. I looked up what a sex surrogate is vs.a prostitute. They work with you or here is the wiki defintion: A sexual surrogate may be a Certified Sex Therapist who is a member of a sex therapy team who engages in education and sometimes intimate physical relations or sex with a patient to achieve a therapeutic goal. I'm interested to see where this will go. I realize watching this film that he deserves everything in life too. That there is no reason to judge his need for sex and love. maybe this means i do deserve something, someone who is good for me eventhough i think i may not be good for it or them. im done for the night. xoxo dee

i love audrey kawasaki's art !!!

BLOGS A BORE.