Sunday, March 31, 2013
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
BLESSED FEELINGS FOR OTHERS
TODAY WAS A GOOD DAY, NOT FOR ME BUT FOR PEOPLE IN MY LIFE WHO MEAN A LOT TO ME. I'VE HEARD NOTHING BUT GOOD NEWS FROM PEOPLE WHO I LOVE. TWO PEOPLE THIS WEEK CAME IN CONTACT WITH ME TO LET ME KNOW GOOD NEWS. 1) A DEAR FRIEND WHO 1.5 YRS AGO, LOST IT ALL - FAMILY , FRIENDS , LOVE AND NOW HAS THE LIFE SHE ALWAYS DREAMED OF. 2) A FRIEND WHO I THOUGHT DISAPPEARED AGAIN INTO THE DEEP DARK HOLE OF DRUGS HAS CONTACTED ME YET AGAIN.
Sunday, March 24, 2013
Friday, March 22, 2013
Monday, March 18, 2013
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Sunday, March 17, 2013
been so bad about this lately... i do have a lot of feelings and thoughts running around. im a bit overwhelmed with work and things to do and finding enough time to do them. i met dad for dinner and we shared a table with this chinese couple who spoke two words the entire dinner for 45 min. "get the bill" and "ok" and i couldn't help but think that I hope i never get married and get so bored or comfortable to even go out to dinner and not say a word. They didnt seem to be in a fight- they seemed like this was their relationship. it was so sad. thats all . xxox dee
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Monday, March 11, 2013
Sunday, March 10, 2013
im so happy these days. im making steps to make things better for me & although im crazy busy the next couple weeks, im looking forward to spring & summer. i find less days where im sad or where i feel a flat buzz state of mind. my goal is to become happy with myself again before i try to reconnect with my old friends who ive lost due to my selfishness & persistence to isolation. realistically it will go two ways, some will say we grew apart and some will accept that i just needed to get better. i know this wont happen overnight because it took forever to get me here and keep me here. im feeling encouraged to go explore more, live in my 20s instead of despising it and trying to be more positive although i stand by my realistic perceptions and conclusions of the dark in this world. i guess i just never want to set myself up for failure, heartbreak, disappointment. but im realizing, it all happens anyways whether im optimistic or not.
xoxo dee
xoxo dee
Friday, March 8, 2013
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
http://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/whats-up-with-lena-dunham-celebrating-womens-bodies/
I enjoy thought catalog- sometimes they post stuff worth pondering because I watch the HBO show "GIRLS" and I myself have struggled with weight and self-image. With how naked Lena Dunham gets in the show , I really thought she has balls to do so. She isn't a size 0, 1 or 2. She has curves and she is proud to have them. i can't say i feel the same. i am asian, most of my fellows are sticks , i have boobs and a big butt- and bigger arms and thighs. i hope one day i can be comfortable like Lena. I can say fuck you im not a model, im a human .
I enjoy thought catalog- sometimes they post stuff worth pondering because I watch the HBO show "GIRLS" and I myself have struggled with weight and self-image. With how naked Lena Dunham gets in the show , I really thought she has balls to do so. She isn't a size 0, 1 or 2. She has curves and she is proud to have them. i can't say i feel the same. i am asian, most of my fellows are sticks , i have boobs and a big butt- and bigger arms and thighs. i hope one day i can be comfortable like Lena. I can say fuck you im not a model, im a human .
Monday, March 4, 2013
What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas ??!!!
Ehh.. who cares ! I'll let you know! :)
I suppose if I wrote about my adventures when I was a little younger it would' ve been much more exciting or inappropriate but I am 26. I am 26 and often act as a grandma. I isolate myself and contemplate the world but I really am trying to be young again.. I swear! So.. I booked a trip to Vegas last weekend, me & 2 other guys. What can I say, girls hate me. No ,but really I have more guy friends I think because they get my I don't give a hoot attitude a little more better. Love my girls though. So my guy friend and his friend came along and I just went ready to do whatever I wanted. I went for two days- i wouldn't stay longer than that mainly because my body won't allow it and because i am broke.
Day 1: Thursday
I stayed at Encore, connected to the Wynn. It was pretty Baller and I would recommend for sure. You can close your blinds with a button, tv in bathroom, you know all that good stuff. I lost $40.00 playing Ghostbuster slots which in Tahoe I won $150+ so i thought it would help but it didn't. My friend has the hook up in vegas so I went to the club Tryst. Had fun but the real entertainment started at when I went to Spearmint Rhino strip club. I wish I could say I enjoyed it like I thought I would- I'm thinking a stage and a pole. I walk in and as drunk as I may be, it was a brothel. HOT girls everywhere, topless, in their underwear walking around hustling or grinding on an old man in the chair who could be her father while he looks at her in lust. I get it, FANTASY. I get it and anyone who knows me knows that I am sexually liberal. A good friend asked me the other day how to talk dirty and I asked him why he wanted to know and he said I was wise like Buddha. Maybe a sexy Buddha haha jk!! anyways ... so these beautiful girls made me sad !!! i thought about how does one program your brain to do this for tons of money? I get it, its tons of money but when I saw how they hustled, how they subjected themselves to these men who they really could give two shits about , I thought about these girls parents and how these beautiful girls were victims of greed and materialism. I duno, I'm fucking lecturing and my friend said he won't ever take me again and I don't think i want to go. If you love it, more power to you, but honestly I can't love a beautiful thing that just wants my money and pretends to like me. Anyways, I'm glad I went- I saw it and I didn't like it. I decided to spend my fucking money on better things like poker and booze. Disclaimer: I don't drink much anymore so i knew i couldnt handle two days of drinking- so someone told me about Hangover Heaven- a bus that picks you up from your hotel, takes you to a clinic and literally inject you with IV's and meds... yes I did this and yes I paid $159.00 to do it. Photo below:
Now if you yelp the company or look on the site, they are legit. Super nice & get you all situated with fluids, a movie, comfy chair etc. Hangover Heaven has rave reviews- and maybe it was because I partied til 5:30 AM and didn't eat but it didn't totally clear me up. It definitely helped but the next day when I didn't use them, I felt better. Would I do it again? Hard to say but when I left, 6 guys walked in and I'm sure if I didn't do it, I would've died more. Now backtracking to this morning, I did get an email from Bank of America saying there must've been fraud because I was making unusual transactions - PLEASE NOTE : if you are going to vegas, if you have Bof A and are going to Vegas take the minute to tell them because YOU WILL GET SHUT DOWN. So as i think about my charges for the night, I look for my credit card and realize that with my ID is missing. YUP, I lost it well.. no.. I left it at the strip club and took a cab over there at 9:30 AM.. I walked a shame to the strip club to get my ID and credit card- i spent $50.00 on drinks and they charged $200.00 to hold it .. still processing but if it doesn't go away I swear those hooches are dead. lol jk. So that was pretty much it, nothing too crazy yea?
heres to Day 2 FRIDAY:
Yes, that is a stripper pole sideways and this is inside Club XS. loved this club, gorgeous and up & coming new club. My friend had the hookup here too so that was awesome. Besides that I was a dumb ass and brought 2 pairs of 5 inch stilettos brand new and one cut up my feet with blisters and the other while walking in the hotel room i realized crunched my toes. I only had beach flip flops. I walked like I twisted my ankle or got fucked all night and my poor friends had to walk slower than anything. So I decided that I would get drunk, not be self conscious and wear my flip flops to the club. I would be 5'2 instead of 5'7 and doing nothing for my figure but I thought what the hell, im a gangster. We ate at Capital Grill which he recomm. & it was amazing !! Delicious filet mignon & money well spent. Headed to Club XS and to be honest I was a weaksauce on day #2, my eyes were hungover chinky, i asked to stay in the hotel like a LOSER and im glad they dragged me out because once I got there, I was in the mood and I decided to act 26 not 86. Good crowd, good music and overall a good time. Bumped into some old HS friends, dropped $400.00 on drinks <---- I know, I really wish I could use men for drinks! Damn it. After the club my friend convinced me to play poker, draw out $200.00 and we both played. I played like the most naive young girl poker player, i lost my money quick and my friend shortly after. I can play when there is less money involved but when its the big timers im like a lost pea in a bowl of fucking peas. Anyways, ready to kill my friend I go back to my hotel room- elevator time floor 39 and this creepy guy decides "Floor 39 looks great" He follows me and wont stop. I am by myself and being drunk , I am sweet and nice for about 7 minutes. "Just one try" is what I remember meaning, just one kiss, just one kiss. I really hate how foreign guys don't see that line that says um hey i am not a whore and letting u coming into my hotel room after u just stalked me. they are sweet though in their own way- this guy was Brazilian - he wouldnt give up and i quickly thought to myself if i should turn into a crazy bitch and yell or punch his face. well being the sweetheart i am, hahah i walked and talked until i hit my room., told him i have a bf, quickly put in my key and slammed his face in the door and bolted it. i jumped in the shower for an hour or so just laying there to sober up- my friend thought i died but i was fine. that was pretty much it- maybe i left some juicy details out maybe i didnt but if anything, now you know 2 good clubs , a good restaurant and to never leave ur credit card and ID at a strip club . thanks for reading xoxoxo
dee
INDIE MOVIE TIME:
i love indie flicks- they have a certain dry humor, a certain way of feeling very real & a charm that is different from the big hollywood flicks. often, there are little interwoven stories that connect with one another. don't get me wrong, i love the mainstream flicks but I can't get enough of the indie scene: call me hipster , i call you fucker :) jk..thanks for visiting !! XOXOXOXO
Making this dumb simple and straight to the point for you guys : YES or NO to watch & my 2 cents.
1) Tiny Furniture- YES , directed by Lena Dunham, same actor & director of HBO "Girls" if you like that, you will like this movie.
2) Compliance- NO , better to read the true details online - this is based on the true story of the disturbing incident of what happened at a Mc Donalds . Guy posed as a policeman on the phone and the manager allowed sexual acts to be committed to the employee- shows human need to submit to authority.
3) Perks of being a Wallflower- YES, based off the critically acclaimed book, this is a sweet film- power to the awkward kids :)
4) Safety Not Guaranteed- NO, dry humor at moments funny but overall dragged on and fell short. About a newspaper team who want to follow the story of a man who believes he can time travel.
5) Save the Date- YES, funny and heartfelt , reminded me of my sister & I. the challenges of love & the interesting twists life can take.
6) The Sessions - YES, i wrote about this before and I def. recommend it. Based on true story of sex surrogate and a severely disabled man.
7) Someday this pain will be useful to you- NO, quite frankly I have nothing to day but no. I can't remember it because it was bad.
8) 10 Years- NO, HS reunion indie flick- featuring Channing Tatum- it wasn't horrible but I wouldn't waste my time.
i love indie flicks- they have a certain dry humor, a certain way of feeling very real & a charm that is different from the big hollywood flicks. often, there are little interwoven stories that connect with one another. don't get me wrong, i love the mainstream flicks but I can't get enough of the indie scene: call me hipster , i call you fucker :) jk..thanks for visiting !! XOXOXOXO
Making this dumb simple and straight to the point for you guys : YES or NO to watch & my 2 cents.
1) Tiny Furniture- YES , directed by Lena Dunham, same actor & director of HBO "Girls" if you like that, you will like this movie.
2) Compliance- NO , better to read the true details online - this is based on the true story of the disturbing incident of what happened at a Mc Donalds . Guy posed as a policeman on the phone and the manager allowed sexual acts to be committed to the employee- shows human need to submit to authority.
3) Perks of being a Wallflower- YES, based off the critically acclaimed book, this is a sweet film- power to the awkward kids :)
4) Safety Not Guaranteed- NO, dry humor at moments funny but overall dragged on and fell short. About a newspaper team who want to follow the story of a man who believes he can time travel.
5) Save the Date- YES, funny and heartfelt , reminded me of my sister & I. the challenges of love & the interesting twists life can take.
6) The Sessions - YES, i wrote about this before and I def. recommend it. Based on true story of sex surrogate and a severely disabled man.
7) Someday this pain will be useful to you- NO, quite frankly I have nothing to day but no. I can't remember it because it was bad.
8) 10 Years- NO, HS reunion indie flick- featuring Channing Tatum- it wasn't horrible but I wouldn't waste my time.
misery is a butterfly, her heavy wings will warp your mind.
i saw this on instagram and loved it but i cant say im miserable these days.
ive been happier these days maybe because time heals all wounds and maybe because i stuck
to my guns about my values about people and making mistakes.
i feel at peace, i feel as though i dont have anger in my heart but instead a peaceful equilibrium between the sadness that prevails in my mind and the happiness that lives there as well.
some people wonder why im always sad where there is so much to be happy about and if i knew the answer maybe i wouldnt be sad at all. today i am happy- i feel good intentions and good music in my heart.
i saw this on instagram and loved it but i cant say im miserable these days.
ive been happier these days maybe because time heals all wounds and maybe because i stuck
to my guns about my values about people and making mistakes.
i feel at peace, i feel as though i dont have anger in my heart but instead a peaceful equilibrium between the sadness that prevails in my mind and the happiness that lives there as well.
some people wonder why im always sad where there is so much to be happy about and if i knew the answer maybe i wouldnt be sad at all. today i am happy- i feel good intentions and good music in my heart.
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