Hi Everyone,
I took a much needed break on my blog. Call it laziness, call it realizing that I was writing to express my relationship issues or just issues! See I know! Anyways, I am writing this blog for a new friend and for all my other friends or people I don't know. I've had a lot of people ask me about online dating so here it is. I've helped with friends profiles, selections, interpreting messages etc. It is no secret to many that I started to online date when I was 20. Was I a serial online dater? No... I never met a lot of people or would go on a date Tues, Wed, Thurs, Fri, Sat. People do it but quite frankly I have a bad memory and I don't have the time to do that and meet that many people. I'm 26 now and 6 years ago, online dating was still a little embarrassing. I was also the youngest girl on there. Why did I do it? Because I was in a routine of work and home and meeting guys at bars was fun but not ideal. Ok enough about me. Here are my tips and what I believe will make you successful at online dating based on my experiences and what I've heard.
Who:
1) Do not just meet anyone. Ok obviously right? Ok, what I'm saying is don't just meet the first few people who message you or ask to meet right away. There are tons of people on this thing- you think you don't have options but you do - and im talking for girls and for guys. People deactiviate or activate profiles all the time. Be confident , don't settle and have fun!!
What:
Your profile if you are a girl should not be too long. Your profile for a guy should not be too short- it shows zero effort and zero personality. Pictures should include you actually doing something-on vacation, physical activity, with friends and maybe even family if that is important to you. If you are concerned about the privacy of your friends or family- just include pictures that show something you enjoy to do. Don't just upload pictures of your face taken by yourself. A funny one is nice to have too.
When & How:
Online dating is scary. There are creeps . Guys who stalk. Girls who stalk and much more. I've gotten messages for three-somes, guys who won't leave me alone.. but guess what.. you just don't reply. Honestly, I have never met a bad guy or had a bad date. Many remain friends and I have found love online. I've heard the horror stories and although i secretly wanted to experience it (guy trying to escape me or me trying to escape them ) i am grateful for the positive experiences. If you want to actually meet someone for a relationship- there are a few KEY RULES and UNDERSTANDINGS. You need to go into this realizing and accepting that everyone is talking to 10+ people and you will be too. This isn't for the lazy. Don't reply too quickly but don't wait more than 1-2 days because that person may have already "eliminated you" as an option to be frank or have decided they have person 1-5 and and your # 7 and won't reply to you anymore. The best way to online date is to have a pool of maybe 10 , and keep narrowing it based on the mail exchanges ( maybe after 2-3 messages ) numbers will be exchanged and depending on a few texts- and a phone call- you should maybe meet 3/10 people. Why? Because this way you can remember everything , you can focus on finding a quality person and aren' t just going on useless dates wasting time and money again and again. Let the guy ask for your number and initiate a call if you are a girl but I am all about the girl doing a profile search and being the first to message the guy if interested. Why? because there are a lot of people online, maybe your dream guy didn't come across you but you came across him instead. Make every message a paragraph maybe two but no longer. Ask at least two questions based on their profile for the first message and if the communication starts, always ask 1-2 questions to keep the convo open. If you don't get a reply, don't get offended, don't obsess about that person not responding . As a female and male, accept that 50% , maybe more wont reply. Maybe the person isn't interested, maybe they are dating a few people already and don't want to add more to their situation, maybe they don't go online often, maybe they are on vacation.. don't obsess ok? A person may be hot , have a good profile but you won't know until you talk to them more. Another key rule: Don't fall in love after date 1, 2, or 3. Don't expect this person to want to quit their account and date you right away exclusively. To be honest, I've noticed guys have a problem with this a lot. They don't want to know the girl is out on a date with someone else- that they have competition. If you can't get over this, you can't online date. This was something I worried about too. What if I really like a guy after a few dates and he likes me too but he ends up choosing someone else? Be prepared for it because it can happen. The worrying stopped when I just decided that "yes, I want a boyfriend" but when its right, we will both eventually choose each other. If this person chooses someone else, maybe I just earned a friend or a few experiences/dates where i had a good time. Also, I don't agree to meeting for coffee. I feel like i'm worth more than a 5.00 drink and quite frankly if you want to judge me in a few minutes and make it quick just in case i'm weird .. well you have no balls. Take the girl to eat a meal.. do something fun.. I always find that it makes things more comfortable to say if you are nervous, to be honest and say you are new to online dating if you are and you can laugh about it. You can ask their experience in terms of how they like it but no questions about how many people they are dating currently etc. I don't like to play games although everyone knows you have to in the beginning to an extent... but being honest is the best approach to online dating. You are seeing 3 people now and don't want to see 1/3? Tell him/her right away, nicely, respectfully and hopefully they are mature enough to not be upset and understand. You don't need to be disrespectful and just not reply to messages or texts anymore if you already met them and they aren't psychos ( you shouldn't be in this situation though, remember!) When I would message a guy the first time, at the end I wrote, "i hope i hear from you and if not, good luck on here." because you assume that everyone is on here for the same thing-to find someone to love and you should want to wish that happiness on them.
If you want to be more selective and want to get to know the person more, these days asking if they have Facebook could be helpful. You can see more photos etc. Is this stalking ? sure but they will stalk yours too..trust me. Just go into this whole online dating thing not expecting much but willing to give the time and effort to be successful.. this way I didn't get disappointed but instead felt good when I did have a good date. If you are a girl, don't expect the guy to pay every date.. you should offer too! Avoid having a profile that seems like you are trying too hard. Girls = writing too much Guys = too corny! too many funny lines
How I rate the online sites:
1) OKcupid- best looking crowd- no fee- most success - no fee = hey im casualy trying to be with someone and if it works out = hell yea
2) Plenty of Fish- Creepers/sex, never done it
3) Match.com- you pay and the crowd isn't as good-fee = im trying really hard for love? thats how i felt.. some people have accounts on there forever.. trust me. i know of them.
Do i think i am an expert on love? No way! I've had my heart crushed, i've crushed hearts .. everything! But i do know that im pretty good at judging character and social habits. Need help? Message me!
XOXO
Dee
PS: There is more probably I am missing- this is long and good luck!!
